Let me start off by mentioning I am not a writer, and this blog post may be all over the place but I hope that it can help me work through some stuff and help others understand that they are not alone and that we can be strong.
This morning I packed my daughter up, kissed my husband goodbye and headed down the long highway to a nearby town for a 2nd consult on my fertility issues.
This appointment has been a long time coming, and I had done everything to avoid it. Partially because I gave up about two years ago, and decided that having a biological child wasn't in the cards.
Driving I wasn't thinking much about the appointment except "I've heard it all before, there are only two options and prayer, blah, blah, blah..." As I'm talking with the doctor it all came back to me, the disappointment, the fear, the feelings of being a failure. I asked questions, got the same answers but a promise to look through everything again and see if there's anything missing.
The worst part is knowing that I more then likely did this to myself. My choices as a teen had a large impact on my body and will forever haunt me.
I am forever grateful for my daughter and the joy she has brought into my life, I will continue to love her to the moon and back! She is the ONLY reason I didn't cry coming out of my appointment. Seeing her smiling face helps me get through and reminds me that I am meant to be a mom and its just going to be different.
Its hard hearting what the doctors say, I just need to keep reminding myself that there are other children out there waiting for me to be their mom. I just need to find them!
This morning I packed my daughter up, kissed my husband goodbye and headed down the long highway to a nearby town for a 2nd consult on my fertility issues.
This appointment has been a long time coming, and I had done everything to avoid it. Partially because I gave up about two years ago, and decided that having a biological child wasn't in the cards.
Driving I wasn't thinking much about the appointment except "I've heard it all before, there are only two options and prayer, blah, blah, blah..." As I'm talking with the doctor it all came back to me, the disappointment, the fear, the feelings of being a failure. I asked questions, got the same answers but a promise to look through everything again and see if there's anything missing.
The worst part is knowing that I more then likely did this to myself. My choices as a teen had a large impact on my body and will forever haunt me.
I am forever grateful for my daughter and the joy she has brought into my life, I will continue to love her to the moon and back! She is the ONLY reason I didn't cry coming out of my appointment. Seeing her smiling face helps me get through and reminds me that I am meant to be a mom and its just going to be different.
Its hard hearting what the doctors say, I just need to keep reminding myself that there are other children out there waiting for me to be their mom. I just need to find them!